Priorities for Parents
by Nigel Lane - Nigel@TeenCoach.org
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In an age where we face constant attention for our time, talents and
resources we have had to learn to priorities -
work out what is important to us for our family at this stage of our life.
The same is true for parents so I would offer two priorities for parents.
The relationship with your spouse
The sense of security and belonging this will generate in your child will
help them grow and mature and at the same time it will demonstrate what it
means to have a strong healthy marriage - their future husband/wife will be
very thankful for that. There can be a tendency for children to pit one
parent against the other but if we put the highest priority on our
relationship then they will know that mom/dad comes first. The children
will realise that they will grow and develop their own independent lives
but parents are together for ever.
Affirm your relationship verbally, regularly and in front of the children -
an occasional weekend away together is a good idea too.
Good Communication
Do whatever it takes to retain open communication between yourself and your
children. It is good to set specific times for one on one outings - to the
cinema, or a restaurant or sporting event - give them your undivided
attention. As young people get older they realise communication - good
communication - has the following ingredients:
Time
Physical space [as opposed to phone calls, emails or Instant Messenger]
Undivided attention
Openness
Listening and
Respect.
Avoid neglecting your teenager - after all you only have them as teenagers
for 6 or 7 years. No, I don't mean stop playing golf - I mean play golf with
your son and/or daughter.
Of course we realise that these need to be balanced with the necessity of
work and going to earn the necessary finance; and sometimes that may mean
that you are away from home on business trips. Here are four short keys for
when you have to be away from home:
- Let your children know where you are and when you will be back. We have a
friend who posts his schedule on his refrigerator in his home in England
for all the family to see. Not that it stopped his daughter wanting a ride
home from college - when she phoned her dad he was in Sweden!
- Keep in touch. In these days of instant communication it is simple to do,
for example Instant Messenger seems to be the best way to get a message to our youngest
daughter.
- Keep your promises. if you said you would bring something, or phone, or be
home at a certain time then make sure you follow through it will destroy
some trust if you don't.
When you do get home spend time with them that is the strongest method of
communicating that you care.
Nigel Lane has been a full time youthworker for over 11 years and
has grown 3 teenagers of his own. More articles and information can be
found by visiting http://www.TeenCoach.org.
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