Christian-Parent.com

by Angela Barton

“Never have children. Only have grandchildren.” With that one little statement, Gore Vidal summed up the relationship between these two generations. It seems as if nothing but love and joy follow the grandchild and the grandparent whenever the two are joined. It is only the rarest of situations that this joy does not exist between older and younger bloodlines.

For those of us lucky enough to have known our grandparents, fond memories flood our minds as we think about them. Certain smells or songs evoke their glowing presence in our memories. It is usually the case that the older a person gets, the tighter they cling to the memory of their Oma, Opa, Grandma, Grandpa, Nan, Nona, etc. As grandchildren grow older, the relationship with their beloved grandparent grows deeper. Even if death has seemed to separate the two.

As magical as this relationship is, there are very deep psychological reasons for the beautiful phenomenon of the unconditional love that exists between these two people. For one thing, when people reach an age old enough to be a grandparent, they are more confident in themselves and as a result are calmer people. Calm people make children feel safe and protected. Grandparents often feel as though they’ve had enough child-rearing experience to inform them of how to best treat a child. Whether the grandparent’s methods are good or even healthy doesn’t matter quite as much as the confident energy that exudes from them.

When a grandparent handles a screaming child or a flippant teenager, it may be the ten thousandth time doing so. The grandparent already has a full arsenal of come-backs and techniques tried and tested. The child will respond positively because the child senses deeply they have met their match and have been outsmarted. Parents rarely exude this inner strength to their children. By the time the parent has gained the same level of confidence, the child has long grown up and has smelt the parent’s fear once before.

Have you ever noticed yourself sub consciously adopting the habits of your grandma or grandpa? It is a common occurrence which witnesses to the deep love between the two people. We all imitate, or attempt to imitate, those we love the most. As much as we love our parents, it seems to be our children’s assignment to adore our parent’s every characteristic. Much like we adore our grandparent’s every characteristic. For whatever reason, this deep and constant respect and love ‘skips a generation’ in a way. Parents get to do all the work while the grandparents get to be the hero.

The two generations have so much to teach each other, it is a lifetime relationship of learning for them both. About 100 years spans the relationship of grandchild-grandparent. In most of those years, the two people were not alive at the same time. A grandparent has the joy of representing an entire generation to an earth-newbie. The older generation gets a chance to relive their experiences and life lessons with a captive audience in the newest generation. Much unlike the rolling eyes their children likely displayed when taken down memory lane.

Maybe as you sit and ponder the beautiful bond between child and grandparent, you can almost hear your own grandma’s voice as she once gloated over the pictures you painted her, or you remember the scent of her cooking coming from her kitchen. Maybe every time you taste a certain drink or smell a certain aftershave, you stop and think of your grandpa. Your grandparents may be your true loves, your friends and the people you most wish to be like. Whenever you think of your grandparents, you may smile and know that fond memories are a wonderful thing.

Angela Barton is a lifestyle consultant for seniors and writes for communityretirement.com, providing assisted living in thousand oaks and serving the greater Los Angeles and Ventura counties of California.

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