Setting Boundaries For Your Text-Obsessed Teen
by Beverly Frank
One of the biggest problems that many adults seem to have with teens who love to text is the seemingly lack of boundaries as to what is appropriate and what is not. Teens find themselves being able to say or send messages that they would never dare to say in the real world. This creates a false sense of freedom and coupled with most teens already inherent lack of realization for consequences can make the entire situation very serious. It is crucial that if you are the parent or other significant adult in a texting teen’s life that you help them determine appropriate boundaries for their texting. When boundaries are put into place teens learn that the correct and appropriate significance of what text messaging is supposed to do-be a way to communicate. Here is what you need to know about setting boundaries for your text obsessed teen.
Set clear guidelines as to what content you will allow to be sent. Most adults are uncomfortable to discuss anything with a sexual content with their teen. Now is the not the time to be squeamish. Texting with a sexual content otherwise known as “sexting” has become a huge problem. You must clearly spell out for your teen that you will not condone this behavior. Let him or her know that whether they are the instigators of a sexual message or simply passing it on they are equally guilty. In addition let them know that there is no acceptance of sexually suggestive pictures being passed through their cell phones as well. Help your team have a clear understanding of the possible consequences that can range from losing their cell phone to possible legal actions if a sexting message or picture is traced back to them.
Help your teen understand the ramifications of this technology. Despite their seeming maturity many teens still lack a certain empathy. It is important to help you teen understand that reputation damaging or bullying text are hurtful. Many teens mistake the anonymity of texting as the freedom to be able to say anything. Let them know that once it is out there, there is not a way to pull it back. While you may think your parenting days of teaching empathy and compassion are over if you have a teen that is texting they may just be beginning.
Let your teen know that you may be checking their cell phone at any time. This simple fact may serve as a deterrent for bad behavior. Since most parents pay for the cell phone there is a certain right to check what kind of text is being sent. Your teen should understand that you reserve the right to take the phone out of their hand at any time to check their text log.
Set guidelines as to when texting can be done. If your teen is sitting through dinner texting, trying to do homework and text and cannot seem to separate themselves from their phone it is time to set some time limits on texting. If you are concerned about the amount of time that texting is taking up in your teens life contact your phone company for a detailed record. Some parents request that their teen’s phone be given to them during meals, homework time and even when their teen goes to bed (this prevents those all-night texting sessions). Studies show that teens who do not have 24/7 access to texting are much more likely to send appropriate texts.
Make sure that your teen knows the consequences for violating your texting rules. Teens should know exactly what behaviors will get their phones taken away or their texting turned off. Remember that having a phone is a privilege and the sooner your teen learns that the better prepared they will be for adulthood right around the corner.
Beverly Frank is a stay-at-home mom and writer. For more parenting tips, visit http://www.surfnetparents.com.
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